They say you should never meet your heroines because they may disappoint you.
That was not the case when I had the privilege and pleasure of meeting the incredible Dame Stephanie Shirley. Novi awarded Dame Stephanie our 2018 Novi Lifetime Achievement Award — an honour she was unable to collect in person. Determined to meet her, I decided to pay her a visit.
It took a full year to align our diaries, but eventually we met face-to-face at her home in Henley-on-Thames.
I had first encountered Dame Stephanie a few years earlier at an Oxford University Women’s Conference, themed Power Shift, where she delivered the dinner keynote speech. Her story was one of resilience and vision — at once deeply moving and powerfully inspiring. It stayed with me.
A Jewish child refugee who fled to the UK from Germany during the war, and a mother to a severely autistic son, Dame Stephanie had every reason to feel diminished by life’s challenges. But she never allowed herself to be defined by them. Meeting her in person was a dream come true.
I was anxious before our meeting. What do you say to someone like her? I had nothing to offer and wanted nothing in return — only the chance to hear her views on a few questions I held dear. Would she be warm and open, or meeting me out of courtesy? The moment she welcomed me in, my doubts vanished. She was genuinely interested in my journey.
For those unfamiliar with her achievements, Dame Stephanie founded a software company in the 1960s and 70s, when women in technology were rare and rarely taken seriously. To be heard, she began signing her business letters as “Steve”. Her company, which initially employed only women, achieved extraordinary success before eventually being listed on the stock exchange — creating 70 female millionaires in the process.
Her professional success was matched by a deep personal commitment to philanthropy, particularly in autism research and support — a mission shaped by the loss of her son. She channelled her grief into purpose, championing causes that could change lives.
I have two children myself, and I cannot imagine balancing the care of a child with complex needs alongside leading a high-growth business. When I asked how she managed, her answer was simple: pride — stubborn pride, and the determination to make her life matter.
As a Black woman, an immigrant, and someone who has built a career in male-dominated sectors such as engineering and accountancy, before moving into entrepreneurship, I have often felt like a misfit. That lack of belonging drives me to create spaces where I do belong, through the work I do.
Culturally, pride has often been painted as a negative trait — reinforced by sayings such as “pride comes before a fall”. But after meeting Dame Stephanie, I see pride differently. To her, pride was about knowing your worth, believing in your abilities, and refusing to give up or settle for less than you deserve.
Meeting her in person may have been my only opportunity for a one-to-one conversation with Dame Stephanie — she guarded her time carefully — but the lessons she shared have stayed with me. Even into her late 80s, she refused to slow down, continuing to speak, write, and share her insights.
I highly recommend her autobiography Let It Go. It is packed with life lessons and wisdom that can transform your perspective, and a powerful reminder that life is what you choose to make it.
Dame Stephanie’s story challenges us all: if she could achieve so much in the face of enormous challenges, what could you achieve if you truly set your mind to it?
